I read a post today that claimed May was Mental Health Awareness Month. Thinking about this now, I feel like every month should be Awareness Month. I would have never known what Anxiety/OCD was if I hadn’t been diagnosed with this. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. It’s weird how when you don’t have something, you don’t hear much about it. Suddenly you are diagnosed with this and now BAM it’s everywhere. Today I just wanted to share a bit of how my anxiety started, just a short story time. Not too in detail, but just something to read.
I remember back in April 2017 I was getting these unusual headaches that lasted for days at a time. I begin getting so worried something was wrong with me. I found myself going to the DR numerous times. I had convinced myself something was wrong, it had to be. Negative thoughts overflowed in my brain. I was obsessed with this idea that I had something….Blood work came back fine,CAT scan came back fine, everything was OK. At least this is what the DR told me. I KNEW it was something. All kinds of thoughts ran through my head, could it be a tumor, cancer , some kind of incurable disease?
A few days passed I felt my body get tense, suddenly I was getting numbness in my arms. I remember leaving room to the ER because I had no idea what was going. I thought I was on the verge to have a heart attack. That’s when the panic attacks started. I had all kinds of wild symptoms which included, heart racing, dry mouth, numbness in different areas, twitching all over my body, buzzing in my feet. Slowly the panic attacks stopped but the anxiety stuck around, and is still here till this day.
Finally I was diagnosed with Anxiety. Health anxiety to be correct. As of today, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. My therapist told me my OCD comes from obsessing over negative thoughts. I have decided not to take medication for this. I want to try to overcome it by myself. Everyday is a battle with my anxiety. My OCD comes up with a new negative thought. My anxiety freaks me out more than I can handle. But somehow I am managing it. I would like to think it will get better. I am still unsure what triggered this, but I feel like it was a domino effect from the beginning.
I have never prayed so much about something like I have about this. I pray that God continues to give me the strength to not give up. To keep going. To never say it’s over. I don’t know why I was “chosen” to have this, sometimes I think wow this is worse than anything. It’s mental and physical. But I remind myself everyone is battling their own battle. Although mine may feel like it’s the worst, I’m sure Im not alone. I don’t know how people have lived years with this. I am barely on over a year and I feel like its the most draining, scariest thing I have ever gone through.
I hope in a few months I can come back and write my success story, but who knows maybe God is teaching me something with this. I do know I have prayed for my faith to continue to grow and never fail. So if you read this far into this random post, please pray for me. Whoever you are, where ever you are…. I could use it.