This week has been extremely hard for me. My trip to Las Vegas is coming up this weekend, and my anxiety has spiked. The last trip I had planned to go to Las Vegas was in April of 2017. That month, my anxiety hit hard. It was my first time dealing with all of this, my first panic attack, the first month of many doctor visits, the first time I thought I was going crazy.
I understand why my anxiety is taking a toll on me. However, my new obsessive thought this week is “What if I am or will be haunted” I am not sure why that thought entered my mind. I think it must do with my last post, regarding seeing steam in the shower and my mind ran with it. Now my thought is “What if you become haunted, or something is there etc.”, even as far as “What if you go crazy because of this”.
I am trying my hardest to put my faith in God. But the doubt’s still creep in. What if he doesn’t protect you. It’s a scary thing to be scarred of the unknown. Isn’t that what anxiety is overall? Being scarred of the unknown? I try to tell myself it’s just my anxiety, tomorrow will be better. I know it will be eventually. My anxiety/OCD hits me, and I become stuck on a thought for a week or a few. But then it grabs on to the next scary thought and that’s it.
In the moment, it’s the scariest thing. I find myself constantly looking at the bathroom with the light off to see if by chance something is there. I find myself getting freaked out about the smallest sound I hear. Or going back to check to make sure something really isn’t there. I don’t want to live in fear of this. I am trying to read the bible to realize I have nothing to fear. I just wonder if anyone else went through this fear with their OCD/Anxiety?
I hope you will pray for me, because I could use it right about now.